The One With the Photoshoot and the Problematic Model

I was trying to take some photos of a woman I know named Mariel but her name in the dream was Anna.  I had my DSLR and we were in a sun room of a house I didn't recognize, but three sides of the room were large windows with blinds that were open to let the light in.

Anna was horrible at taking direction - she couldn't (or wouldn't) do what I was asking her to do, like turn her head in a certain direction, or adjust the position of her arms or shoulders.  I even tried posing her like a Barbie doll and she wouldn't hold that either.  I'd fix one thing, move on to the next, and she'd move the first thing I had fixed.

At one point there was a guy there (maybe a guy I know named Otavio) who was going to be in some shots with her.  He was sitting at a table near a window in front of a typewriter and she was supposed to look over his shoulder at what he was doing, or out the window pensively, but she wouldn't look in the right direction.

There was also another woman that I believe was a coworker or something, and she looked like Victoria Beckham, and we were both wearing large Anna Wintour style sunglasses and we had taken them off at one point while adjusting the scene and we had switched them by mistake.  I put hers on but they were too big, but then when I put mine on, she said that mine were too big and that I needed smaller ones (which is true, I need small frames for my face shape in real life and it's always a struggle finding them).

While adjusting the scene, we found that the "typewriter" was simply a stack of thin books (like that wouldn't have shown up in a photo).

Also at one point, we were trying to take photos on the street in a big city that looked like maybe New York, and a drag queen walked by and wanted me to take some photos with his disposable camera but then he walked away and just expected us to get the photos to him.

The One with Deborah Henson-Conant

The details of this dream are vague for me - I got paged for work at 2:00 and realized I had been dreaming...

I dreamed that I was a big outside music festival with a female friend I can't identify now.  It was night and it was one of those festivals with multiple stages with one large main stage.

We walked by Deborah Henson-Conant who was either in transition with her equipment or she was setting up to do her show just on the side of the sidewalk, similar to what she does in real life sometimes.  I stopped to say "hi" and take a photo with her.

My friend took the camera and I went to Deborah's left and we put an arm around each other like you normally do in a photo, but she kept leaning really far to the right, making us fall to the ground.  We tried a couple of times but I don't think we ever got the photo.

The One With the Movie About Violent Sleep Disorders

I was in a large department store in the men's department looking at some sandals that were just basically regular black shoes with lots of the leather cut out to make them strappy - there were lots of straps.

I was trying to find a pair that was 1/2 a size smaller than the ones I tried on but I was surprised that the size 31's fit me as well as they did - they ran small obviously because I normally wore a 29 or so.

Being in a department store in a normal situation turned into it being night, after closing, and instead of being the retail sales floor, it was the warehouse or storage area of the store.

It was after closing, but there were a number of people in there looking around.  I remember a girl and a blond guy in addition to me.  I think the girl either had a bike or was looking for one.

I had a weird role in the dream.  The idea of the dream was that it was actually a movie.  I was kind of at the same time just a 3rd party observer and one of the main characters, it seemed.

The premise of the movie was some people that had sleep disorders so when something in life bothered them (say, being touched by other people), they would react in their sleep (like sleepwalking).

One guy with dark hair (I couldn't really tell if he was me or not) didn't like to be touched and would kick people in the head (I think he explained it that he would kick you in the eye) in his sleep.

But, I also remember "being" a different person (feeling like what it was to be inside them, kind of) and his reaction was just less-specific violence.  I remember the feeling picking someone up by the neck and holding them against a wall.

There were two other guys looking for shoes (sneakers) but they were moving stuff around.  They put stuff really high up on a fixture in the middle of the floor, and I remember while looking around some of the shoe boxes fell on me.

These two guys were up to no good, unlike the rest of us who were just looking around.  Once the boxes fell, the bad guys got agitated and wanted our contact information.  We questioned that and the blond kid explained that they wanted our e-mail addresses, etc. so they could place us in the warehouse to prevent us from snitching on them.

While the bad guys were agitated, they were pushing us around and grabbing our arms and stuff and at least one of us warned them not to touch us because of the disorders.

Next thing I remember was being "inside" another guy - a black guy - who was walking home.  I think he was in the warehouse (good guy - one of a total of 4 good people in the warehouse who were the main characters in the movie with sleep disorders) but don't remember seeing him beforehand.  He walked by this hooker who was lying on the sidewalk and people were pouring gas on her and set her on fire.  She was strung out on heroine so she didn't know what was going on.

They tried to lay another hooker (not as strung out) next to her and do the same and they snuggled up to each other, as if to protect each other from sleeping on the sidewalk.  They were both on fire, but it took a while for the first hooker to exhibit some distress - she was waving her arms around and the second wrapped her in a the foil lined blanket they were lying on.

The first hooker died, but the second was fine (even though she was exposed to the flames), so one of the bad people (I think it was a short woman that reminded me to Snookie) stabbed her in the stomach with a really big kitchen knife - shaped like chef's knife but much wider.

It seems as those the bad guys in the warehouse were in a gang or something and were killing people to establish a serial killer or something - maybe as something to implicate us in?  I think they wanted to find six people to kill.

The dude I was inside kept walking toward home, up a hill, when some guy jumped him from behind, pulled his hoodie over his head and tried to tie the strings.  I remember thinking this was a normal risk in his neighborhood - to get mugged this way.  The guy/me ended up throwing the guy over his shoulder, Judo style, kind of down the hill.

The guy left because there was a cop car whose dash camera was filming the whole thing.  The car belonged to the guy's uncle or dad, who he lived with.

He got to the porch where his aunt or mom was with his dad, and they were like "What the hell's going on?"  In his head he knew these bad people were trying to get something or had something on him.

"What Did I Dress For Halloween"

Somehow this dream had a title: “What Did I Dress For Halloween”. I’m not sure how that happened, but I knew it when I woke up. This dream was a bit different because although I didn’t open my eyes, I’m pretty sure it happened in the middle of the night instead of the morning close to waking. I went to sleep very early last night, so I guess that it happened around midnight or so.

At the beginning of the dream, there were two boats - canoe-ish boats that are pushed along by oars (not rowing), not unlike the water taxis in Venice although not as nice.

A fight of sorts was imminent, so we had to descend (with the boats) underwater to a two-room shack. On my side of the fight was Mohinder (or someone that looked like him) from the TV show Heroes, an older man and perhaps two other people. There was a young boy, perhaps 6 or 7 years old but I’m still unclear which side he was on.

While underwater, we could either hold our breath indefinitely, or we could breathe underwater. I’m not sure which. I don’t remember feeling the sensation of breathing during the dream, nor the sensation of holding my breath.

On the other side of the fight was at least one old American Indian man. I believe there was a young boy on his side, too, but I can’t remember if there were two boys or not.

We sent Mohinder down in a boat on his own as bait to distract the other side while we set the shack up as a base or sanctuary. I remember there being a light in the boat with him, glowing green I believe, and knowing that it was a sacrificial move.

The young boy drowned somehow, and the old man from the other side someone got into the first room of our shack. I fought with him by forcefully slapping his forehead with both of my hands, each time causing his head to crack open (like the movie Kung Fu Hustle when the old woman breaks the top off the funeral bell). Each time it cracked, pumpkin seeds came out of his head, kind of oozing out of the crack. I don't recall him really doing anything to fight back physically.

When his head was cracked about halfway, he said that he wanted to stop but I told him that it was too late, because he was already dead.

At that point, it became apparent that for some reason, when people were dying they were hanging around. I wasn’t sure if it was because we were underwater, because it was dark (it was nighttime) or for some other reason. But I knew that it wasn’t permanent - if something changed, they would “move on”. I speculated in my head that perhaps once they were exposed to sunlight they would die for real. Mohinder died and moved on because he was going to die anyway and it was his time.

Toward the end of the dream I realized that other famous people had spent time in that underwater shack. I “saw” a poster of faces but I don’t think it was a real poster - I just visualized it. It was of famous people that either had disappeared or died or were hounded by paparazzi. I remember Princess Diana and I think it included Amelia Earhart.

The One When I Was Sarah Jessica Parker

I dreamed that I went to this gourmet grocery and got something to eat and a Chinese robe and then went to a hotel for some reason, although I did live in the area. I think for a moment in the dream I was Sarah Jessica Parker and was complaining that people only liked me for my shoes but today people didn't like my shoes, so I took them off and hung them in the closet with this special hanger for very expensive shoes. They were blue...

Then I was lying in the robe (I was myself again) and I couldn't remember paying for the food and robe, so I was trying to look up the number of the store in the phone book but it was FILLED with advertisements so it was impossible to find actual listings.

The One Where I Beat Up the Hiltons

I was living at my parents’ house, and our neighbor on the next street (Marlene) whose family we were close to was doing some work on their house. So, my family (Mom, Dad, Dawn and me) went over and started taking stuff from their house… like shoveling those little rocks used instead of mulch or for driveways into a big wheelbarrow or container. But we were also taking furniture and stuff from their attic. I got the impression that we had taken it before, like maybe we took it, they took it back, and back again, or something like that.

We apparently needed this stuff to make updates to our own house. There were contractors or other workmen at Marlene’s house and they were coming and going, but kind of just ignored them and they mostly ignored us. But when we were down filling up our container, we had to leave the attic (I think we had to go upstairs!) and we had to wait for a guy with a ladder to go up first. He hesitated, as if to think about letting us go first, but another guy said that we were there all the time taking stuff and to just go ahead of us, like we could wait. Marlene ended up catching us and getting mad, but I was getting mad too saying that I didn’t want to do this anymore. My mom was just kind of explaining to Marlene that we needed to do work on our own house and we needed the stuff. She was like, “Oh, we’re just going to redo our living room a little bit…” But when Marlene saw the ton of stuff we had, she was like, “A little bit??”

Then I was outside in Marlene’s driveway and the Hilton sisters were living next door. They came over and were going to kick our asses for stealing stuff or something to that effect. Nikki told me they were going to do a move on me where they both give me a headbutt to the chest (I guess like the world cup guy), and I said, “Go ahead, try it.” So they went to try it, but I grabbed them each by the back of the neck and bashed their heads together. Then I grabbed them both by the throat and lifted them off the ground and said, “Did you know I was a world champion martial artist?” Nikki kind of rolled her eyes and said yes, so I threw them to the ground and proceeded to beat the living hell out of the two of them. I remember thinking I could say that I bitch-slapped Paris Hilton so I proceeded to do that several times, just to make sure… back and forth – you know, regular slap, bitch slap, regular slap, bitch slap. I did much more than slap, though, I was punching and elbowing… I slapped Paris a lot, but I think I beat up Nikki more… as if I liked her a lot less.

The One with the Queen of England

Melany came over and we went to see someone she knew from work that had just moved into a new place. On the way there I saw Kathy F. from college and she was mad that I hadn’t called or returned her calls. I think I used to be her roommate. We kind of just went by her and she was yelling that she had something in her purse and was yelling that she was going to dump it in the first stiff wind once she got to Arizona.

We were going up the stairwell into a room that was empty and smelled of varnished new floors and there was a woman on the porch putting stuff around (moving in). We got to the living room and Melany introduced herself to a guy – the guy she knew. She introduced me and he asked me if I was up all night partying and I said ‘no’. He said that everyone else was. I asked why. He said because of Linda. I asked who Linda was. Everyone seemed shocked that I didn’t know and said ‘The queen, silly.’ I asked if she was the queen of Canada, and someone scoffed and said they don’t give parties for the queen of Canada.

I turned and it was the Queen of England (Elizabeth, not ‘Linda’), on the couch, kind of lying on her side, resting. Melany said ‘they got your monitor set up, huh? It looks better (like it saved space).’ There was a cake pan near the monitor and apparently it didn’t work out well because it and a triangular shaped cake jutted too much into the room, not like the square monitor.

We ended up talking about a legend or something that guy who did something in one era was also the same guy that did something in another era (by traveling in time?). It was a big deal and when I woke up I felt like it was some kind of religious revelation but I can’t remember that part!! It was almost like the same guy that killed Caesar (Brutus) was the same guy that killed Jesus (Judas). They used lemon cake or something to do it. We were talking about it and I think they said they had heard something like that and I said I thought they (meaning Christians) didn’t believe in past lives. The queen said something that Ukrainians thought that the lemon cakes worked.